Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
