we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Randomize
