I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
