I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
