do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
