Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
