I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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