dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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