Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
