genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
