can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
