Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
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I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
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So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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