i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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