I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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