I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
