So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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