You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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