My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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