Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
