Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
