my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Randomize
