He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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