She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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