I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
