Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
