adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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