Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
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Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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