You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize