I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
