Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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