I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
