do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
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I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize