We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i need to put some appletini on your dick
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
