Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
