i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
