I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
