Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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