im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
