her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
