Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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