Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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