Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
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My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
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They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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