I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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