Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
