There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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