Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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