There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
