Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
