I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
