All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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