When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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