I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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