if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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