Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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