She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
