You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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