i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
