Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
