My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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