Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
