Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
