Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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