i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
