Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize