the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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