i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
