I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
